Cam and Lib With Us

The Grass is Always Greener – a low point was hit

As I write this I’m sitting in bed about to get ready to go to work, I’ve just had my only 2 days off work for potentially the next 2 weeks and it’s fair to say that I’m feeling pretty bleak.

After weeks moping around worrying about money and not being able to find work I now have 2 jobs and absolutely no free time, at least that’s what it feels like. I’m making good money (over $1,000 a week) which is going to make a huge difference to my time in Australia. I’m living in a beautiful house 5 minutes from the beach in an amazing place with great housemates and a fiancée who I love. And yet…

I’m struggling to feel as though I have the time to enjoy any of what I’m doing because my mind is always focussed on work. The tiredness is making me feel very homesick and Australia is not turning out to be at all like I expected. One big thing that I have noticed is that, back at home, the Aussies you meet are the crazy ones who have travelled halfway across the world and always seem to be the funnest people you’ve ever met. In Australia, however, you get the ones that chose to stay at home. That’s not to say that the people here aren’t great, because they are and the way of life here is so different to home. There are also plenty of miserable, 9-5-working, un-fun Aussies as well which has, unfortunately, shattered my illusion somewhat. 

I’m in quite a negative headspace right now, which may be stating the obvious a little for which I apologise. You can’t come to Australia on a working holiday visa and travel and do exciting things 24/7. At some point you will have to work and if, like me, you choose to get a job and work as much as possible for a few months to save and then go crazy then you’re going to have a bit of a tough few months. The challenge for me is to take my mind off work. To live in the moment instead of thinking ahead. To do something good for myself everyday. To step out of the work headspace as soon as work finishes and leave it behind to enjoy my own time. To maintain a connection with the people I love rather than feeling too tired to interact with anyone.

I have always been quite strong-willed mentally so this isn’t some impossible challenge, at the same time that doesn’t mean it doesn’t require constant effort. Effort which gets easier over time but is so hard to start.

I’m choosing to start now. I’m taking every minute as it is and not thinking or planning ahead too much. I’m definitely not thinking about how long it will be until my next day off. Because days off don’t fix everything. Living for your days off is not really like living at all. The real challenge is to enjoy everyday no matter what you’re doing. If you hate work, don’t think about it. Even better, stop hating it and find a way to enjoy it and make it a meaningful part of your day rather than a hoop to jump through. Don’t live for your time off. Live for every minute of every day that you’re lucky enough to have.

I hope this doesn’t come across as too preachy. I hope you can realise that I’m only lecturing myself here. I’m struggling and I’m in a very negative space. Even worse than that is that I know I am in a negative space and I’m trying to motivate myself to find the energy to get out of it.

I’m going to stop writing, take three deep breaths (because for me 3 deep breaths changes your attitude completely), and get ready for work. And I’m going to remind myself that I have a choice. I am choosing to work this much and I can choose to stop at any time if that’s what I need to do.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Repeat as needed.